I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
