ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
