my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
