and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
