: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
