By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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