There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
