The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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