I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
