whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
