Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
