Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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