dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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