quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
