omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I hope mine doesn't look like that
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
