i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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