You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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