Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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