just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Are my feet made of real feet?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
After tacos, we're chasing women.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
