I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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