so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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