I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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