Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
