Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Even my vagina gasped.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
