So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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