sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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