How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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