Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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