take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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