someone threw a dead crab at me
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
pop tarts are not kleenex
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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