Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
