he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
