Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
