it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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