I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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