Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
she smelled like a LAN party
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
