were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize