Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Randomize
