I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
