Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
