i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
