Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
