hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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