i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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