we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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