OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
