He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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