Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Sorry about my life...
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
