We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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