spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
